Finding an apartment in Germany test can be tough, especially when you don’t speak any German. Kellergeschosswohnung, anybody?

For some reason, the first question many people ask me about studying in Germany is, “Where will you live? An apartment, or dorm, or what?”

In an ideal world, I would be living in a picturesque apartment full of old-world charm, copper kitchen utensils, and oodles of houseplants. The reality however is a bit different…

Cue the apartment hunt.

I started searching for housing a couple months ago, and discovered that it’s surprisingly hard to find a new apartment when 1) you’re living in a different country, and 2) you don’t speak the local language. My first thought was the ol’ tried-and-true Craigslist search method. But the pickings for the city of Cottbus were slim-to-nil, and the nearest Craigslist apartments were listed in Berlin. As much as I love the idea of living in Berlin, it turns out to be over an for hour of commuting away. I thought it wiser to try another avenue.

I tried a few more online options, but my increasingly desperate Google searches did not prove fruitful. “How do I say apartment? Wohnung? Anybody got a wohnung? How about a zimmer?”

(See

language notes for more details.)

This is when I discovered that BTU Cottbus offers student housing options. I did some intensive research (read: asked a current student for their opinion), and discovered that a couple of the dorms are specifically recommended for being more comfortable and modern. So all I had to do was request a room in one of those dorms, and the housing search would be done…right?

Nooooope.

To reserve a room, you first apply online through the studentenwerk. The application includes a request for a photo, which I found surprising — why should a housing allocation need a picture of me? Unless I’m applying for a brunette-only dorm, it seems like my looks shouldn’t be super relevant. But whatever — I sent in a photo, completed the rest of the form, and then…got only radio silence from the studentenwerk. For weeks. I didn’t really panic at first…maybe they were just werk-ing hard on my application. ????

(Sidenote: languages are silly, bad jokes are my favorite, and also I’m hilarious. Learning German is going to be great.)

Finally, I received confirmation that my housing request had been received. Even better, it had also been approved — hooray! I had one week to send a deposit of 300 Euro to reserve the room. I made a quick trip to the local bank and wired the 300 Euro to the official housing account.

Fast forward a month, and I receive an email that my deposit has been received by the studentenwerk…but it’s 27 Euro short. I double check my paperwork, which clearly states that I sent 300 Euro from the US bank. So where did the missing 27 Euro go? I ask the studentenwerk, and they tell to contact my bank for details.

…at teams least, I think that’s what they said. An important details in this story is that the entire exchange is happening in two languages. The studentenwerk is emailing me in German, and I am defiantly replying exclusively in English. Google Translate is doing the hard middle work, and I utilize ol’ GT to translate a confusing PDF full New of linguistic gems such as buchungsdatum, auszugsnummer and kundenreferenz. In English — booking date, abstract number (what??) and customer testimonial (double what?!).

Eventually I slog through this PDF and discover that not one, but TWO sets of bank fees have been collected by mysterious abbreviations. Specifically, the abbreviations of PROV. EUR and FR.GEB.EUR, which appear to reference bank and/or wire transfer fees…not that I could find that useful information anywhere official. I ended up gleaning it from online forums for expats living in Germany, which is hopefully an accurate source of knowledge.

So the current status of this ongoing saga is that I still owe an unexpected 27 Euro processing fee, to be paid when I arrive in Cottbus. The good news is that eventually I’ll be living in student housing on campus…assuming I’m enough of a brunette.

Lessons Learned

German housing requires photographic proof of…something? Also wire transfers are outdated and should be replaced by PayPal. Though there will always be processing fees.

Language Notes

A zimmer is a room. A wohnung is an apartment, and also part of the hilariously compounded word kellergeschosswohnung — a basement apartment.

Ah, German…why do so many of your words look like typos and sound like congested sneezes? Seriously, I can amuse myself for hours picking through German dictionaries for the funniest words.

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